PPGA Reunion recap

Gents,

Finally, the Piss Poor Golfers Association returned to action on Sunday after a long hiatus.

We held the first PPGA Reunion at Westview Golf Course in Quincy. While some thought Westview wasn't in the best of shape, others found the fairways lush and the greens more than generous.

Here's a rundown of the day's scoring:

Aaron St. Clair 76

Broc the Rock 78

Shawn Parker 79

DOB 89

CGray 92

Schuck 94

JRG 100

Noodle 104

We had two players make their PPGA debuts — St. Clair and Parker, both of whom are FOBs (Friends of Broc). Both played splendidly. St. Clair really turned it on with an even-par 35 on the back nine.

Parker, formerly of the Hannibal Courier-Post and soon-to-be cultivator of young minds in Kahoha, Mo., was solid with a 38-40 split. He dedicated his round to someone named MLM and vowed to give the Hannibal Caveman mascot his ball from the round at his first Hannibal Cavemen game next summer.

Monroe City's favorite adopted son, CGray, also weaved his way up Route 61 from his post in Troy, Mo., for a little PPGA fun. After a slow start, CGray wound up with a 43 on the back and won a pair of greenies to boot. 

It wouldn't be a PPGA event without something happening. Without Raymond to provide the fireworks, Duerr took center stage. We had the first-ever PPGA injury withdrawl in the middle of a round when Duerr turned an ankle while walking to his ball near the pond on the par-3 fourth hole. Duerr finished out the hole, but had to be carted back to the clubhouse by DOB.

The WD is the first in PPGA history because of injury. However, it's not the first PPGA WD ever. Who will ever forget Marth walking off after 15 holes at Palmyra? Or the time EE decided 14 holes was enough for him and he took off to watch the Bears? 

Unlike the other two, Duerr manned up and finished his hole. It's unfortunate he couldn't go the rest of the round.

Slap of the Week honors go to the aforementioned EE. After committing to play in the reunion, EE wound up pulling a Rabby and sleeping through his tee time. 

Shot of the day honors go to Schuckman on No. 18. After sending his tee shot at the par-4 closing hole way right near the bunker on No. 9, Schuckman fired a shot into a tree. The ball bounced down onto the cart path and rolled a good 30 yards back down the path toward Schuckman.

CGray and Broc each pocketed $14 for their greenie wins. The team of CGray, Goo, Broc and Parker each won $2 from the 3-2-1 game. That group won the front nine and overall. We pushed on the back nine.

I'd like to try to get another event in two weeks if anyone is up for it. I'll be in touch.

The Commish

I remember ...

... when Gough made his first 12.

... when EE tossed his new graphite shaft driver into the lake next to No. 1 at Bow Lake in Barry and had to wait 10 minutes for it to drift back to him on shore.

... when Crim and Noodle actually lucked their way into the only eagles in PPGA history (Crim at Norwoods and Noodle at the Crest.)

... when Broughton wore jeans to an event in Palmyra.

... when Duerr came off the DL and won in his first time out at Hannibal.

... when we had an actual legitmate golfer in Ryan Graff who went slumming with us for an event and set an all-time lowing scoring mark of 54 (or something like that.)

... when Rabjohns was found sleeping on his bag outside Ridgebrook Apts. after a late night with a lady. Talk about your dedication to the Tour.

... when Hausdorf became the Hardcore legend with his 129 (or whatever it was.)

... when we all tried to get together to play golf every other week or so.

Have any favorite PPGA memories? Share them in the comments section. It might be all we have of this season.

Wither the PPGA

Gang,

Is the PPGA dead? Does no one want to come out and play any longer?

Geez, seems like no one want to play. Few were interested in playing last week. I'd like to try again on June 24th.

Will you be there?

The commish

Crim Challenge 2007

Gents,

It's a 2-for Sunday!!! After telling you old tales about the opener, the Crim Challenge report is a tad bit fresher.

We met this morning on a sunny day to tackle Cedar Crest Country Club, the place with no fairways.

We had a decent turnout even though no one seems to be interested in playing any more. We had an opposite field event as FedEx Bob had some of his homies in town to play Westview. Also, Noodlehauser's Ripken-like streak of playing no matter what his physical (or mental) ailments were came to an end because (well I can't remember why and it doesn't really matter.)

The Crest was much more kind to us than Westview was a few weeks before even without the absence of true fairways anywhere on the course. Then again, what do you expect for $15 for 18 and a cart.

We had a true ex-officio in our midst, Eric Scholz. A therapist at the Newman Clinic, Scholz played mind games with the course. He turned in a 12-par, 2-birdie effort that resulted in a 2-over 73, which included a bogey-bogey finish. He could have smashed par. It was the most impressive PPGA performance since we guilted Ryan Graff into playing with us a few years back.

Still, the news of the day was Schuckman's play. The Big Redhead fashioned himself a 7-over 78, the first time he has ever broken 80. Who knows where the great play came from? Has watching all the little soccer girls run around left him frustrated with his woman 5 hours away in Chicago? (Wait, he ain't Rabby. Sorry about that.) Did he take those frustrations out on the little white ball? Whatever he did, it worked.

Schuck made 11 pars on his round to finish second to Maas, who had a 75. Since Maas is really an ex-officio this win goes to Schuckman.

We would have liked to have seen more people show up for the cheap golf, but you snooze, you lose.

Here are the results

Scholz 73
Maas 75
Schuckman 78
Broc 83
Crim 88
DOB 92
Linkster 102

Hole of the day honors go to the Linkster. We've never had an ace on the PPGA, but the Linkster darn near became the first. Playing the 148-yard sixth hole, the Linkster stuck his tee shot within 18 inches of the pin. He even rolled in the birdie putt for his first bird of the season. Congrats, Linkster.

Again, no EE or Raymond meant no good Slappy material. We're starting to mellow in our old age.

Despite his miracle shot, the Linkster still claimed Hardcore honors, but nearly broke PPGA par of 100. Progress, baby!!!

Here are the updated PPGA stats:

PPGA Order of Merit (No. of events played)
1. Maas 80.5 (2)
2. Crim 88 (1)
3. Schuckman 88.5 (2)
3. Broc 88.5 (2)
5. DOB 94 (2)
6. EE 95 (1)
7. Dyer 97 (1)
8. Middendorf 100 (1)
8. Noodlehauser 100 (1)
10. Marth 105 (1)
11. Linkster 107 (2)
12. Marth-in-law 136 (1)

Birdie leaders
1. Maas, 3
2. EE, 1
2. Linkster, 1

Par leaders
1. Maas, 15
1. Schuckman, 15
3. Broc, 10
4. DOB, 9
5. Crim, 5
6. Anders, 4
7. EE, 3
8. Dyer, 2
8. Noodlehauser, 2
8. Linkster, 2
11. Marth, 1

Greenie leaders (Money won, No. won)
1. Scholz ($14, 2)
2. Linkster ($7, 1)
2. Maas ($7, 1)

Wins (place won)
1. Maas, 1 (Westview)
1. Schuckman, 1 (Cedar Crest)

Hardcore wins (place won)
1. Hapless (1, Westview)
1. Linkster (1, Cedar Crest)

OK, now no one can complain about no updates of the blog. Let's try to get together again the first Saturday in June. I believe that's June 3. If you're interested in playing either email me or leave a comment on the blog. I don't care where we play.

Until next time.

The 2007 opener

Gents,

After a long delay and many requests, here's the recap of the PPGA lid-lifter for 2007. We were too lazy to go out of town (and heard the bugs were killing people at our normal opening spot down in Barry). As a result, we hit lovely Westview Golf Course for our opener.

For the first time ever, we had a split start. The foursome of Marth, Marth's father-in-law, EE and Schuck took off about 45 minutes before the rest of the crew. Maybe one day we'll actually have to close down a course in order to play an event. Dare to dream, baby!

Anyway, this one wasn't one to write home about as we all pretty much blew.

Here are the results (the Linkster had requested that his score not be posted. If he doesn't want his scores posted like an old woman, he can form the LPPGA - the Ladies PPGA, not the Linkster PPGA.):

Maas 86
Anders 94
Broc 94
EE 95
DOB 96
Dyer 97
Schuckman 99
Middendorf 100
Noodlehauser 100
Marth 105
Linkster 112
Marth-in-law 136

Yes, PPGA history was set by a one-time wonder, Marth's father-in-law, who is listed as Hap on his scorecard. Hapless would have been more appropriate. Somewhere, Hausdorf weaps knowing his previous "best" of 129 has been smashed by some Hoosier who only got in because he's married to a PPGA wanna-be.

Has Marth ever played with us before? The last time a WGEM TV sports dude played, he showed up at Palmyra wearing Wrangler jeans. Welcome to the Tour, Ben. We'll see you again in '09.

Hap really was the man. He didn't throw up any Goughs (a 12), but was consistent on the backside with back-to-back-to-back 10s. If this were bowling, we could have given him a turkey.

He wasn't the only one in double digits though. EE made like Roy McAvoy on No.3. He dumped a couple of balls into the drink en route to a 10. In true PPGA fashion, EE bounced back with par on his next hole. As the dude who wore Wranglers used to say, "Excellent stuff, of course."

With no Raymond around to spice things up, there wasn't anything too Slappy that happened. So, we'll give EE Slappy of the Week honors for his 10. I'd give it to Hapless, but it wouldn't be the same. (By the way, from all accounts, Hap was a good guy to play with, no harm meant with the Hapless stuff.)

Hap easily won Hardcore honors, saving the Linkster from a sure season long sweep of that honor.

We had a couple new faces on board outside of Marth and Hap. Jason Dyer, personal trainer to the stars (Rabe, Russ Michna, DOB!!!!), made his first appearance. Joe Middendorf, a Cardinals/Spurs fan who coaxes people into buying ad space in the H-W, also made his debut. Hopefully, we'll see more of you two in the future.

Can't remember who won greenies that day, but the early group didn't pay anyway.

Here are the up-to-date PPGA stats:

Scoring (events entered)
Maas 86 (1)
Anders 94 (1)
Broc 94 (1)
EE 95 (1)
DOB 96 (1)
Dyer 97 (1)
Schuckman 99 (1)
Middendorf 100 (1)
Noodlehauser 100 (1)
Marth 105 (1)
Linkster 112 (1)
Hapless 136 (1)

Birdie Leaders
1. Maas, 1
1. EE, 1

Par Leaders
1. Maas, 5
2. Anders, 4
2. Schuckman, 4
4. DOB, 3
4. Broc, 3
4. EE, 3
7. Dyer, 2
7. Noodlehauser, 2
9. Marth, 1

Wins (place won)
1. Maas 1 (Westview)

Hardcore
1. Hapless 1 (Westview)

New Year's Resolution

Gang,

I've had several requests to update the Web site. Some of you still infrequently check in every now and then to see what's happening in the world of the PPGA.

Well, not much now. But that WILL change in 2007.

As a result, here are a few New Year's resolutions for the tour:

1. We will have more events in 2007. I'll admit that 2006 was pretty lame for the PPGA. I wasn't motivated to create tourneys and if I didn't do it, it didn't get done. That will stop this year. We need more events.

2. Some of you sad sacks you have never tried the PPGA need to come out and knock it around with us. What are you afraid of? I promise not to pair you with Noodlehauser (until your second event.)

3. Let's hope we can lure the Hardcore Legend, George Hausdorf, back to the tour. Mr. Canton hasn't been heard from in like three years. With upcoming talent like the Linkster on tour, we could have some out of this world scores be posted.

4. We have to hit the road again this year. We need more stories like the "Tale of Sonja." I'm up for wherever folks want to go. I think we could do some damage in the Ozarks.

5. We will have a new category on tour this year. Since any 12 is a Gough, we're going to have any 9 be called a Romo in honor of former EIU quarterback Tony Romo, who is about to lead the Dallas Cowboys to the Super Bowl XLI title.

6. We'll petition the IRS to make sure greenie winnings aren't taxed.

7. We're making Schuckman come to every event this year. No more Rabby excuses will be allowed.

Feel free to chime in with any resolutions of your own.

We're shooting for a late March/early April start to the season.

Have a good New Year's.

The Commish

Twin Peaks Report

The PPGA gathers on Sunday, July 2 for the annual Twin Peaks Classic at scenic Mosswood Meadows Golf Course in Monroe City, Mo.

We had nine show, includuing three non-competing markers. This allowed us to have a little game of 3,2,1 in addition to our regular race for greenie money.

EE claimed the title thanks to an 87, which included a sizzling 42 on the inward nine. EE made three straight pars at one point on the back side to pull away from the field.

DOB took second at 92 thanks to a career best 7 pars on his card. However, a run of four straight double bogeys on the back side derailed his title hopes.

In the non-competing marker race, Maas had a 79 to better Chuck (81) and Rodney (84). Thanks to playing like the A player that he is, Chuck helped DOB and Duerr pad their wallets. That trio took the money on the front side as well as the overall pot. The Hart-Linkster-EE combo took the money on the backside.

Here are the official results:
EE 87
DOB 92
Duerr 93
Crim 95
Linkster 106
Noodle 111

The big news of the day was the identity of the only PPGAer to make a birdie on Sunday. None other than the Linkster, who stuck his tee shot on the par-3 15th hole close enough to win a greenie. He even validated it like the big boys in the Par-3 Shootout by making the birdie putt. Well done, Linkster. For that, you get shot of the day honors!

Slappy of the week honors go to FedEx Bob (or FedEx Box as I called him on email last week). FedEx Bob qualified for a closest to the pin contest at Mark Christensen's new range. He opted out of the chance to win $40 in greenies to try to land a $3,000 condo card. Needless to say, he failed miserably. Nice work, FedEx Box!!!

Greenies were dominated by the Linkster-RHart-EE group. RHart took a pair, Linkster took one and EE took one.

As for the next stop, some of the membership are pining to make a trip to Harry Mussatto in Macomb. The Commish has family committments the next two Sundays. However, I'd be up for a Saturday trip to play at Mussatto. Might be a good place for a shamble since the course totally killed us last time. Anyone up for a Saturday, July 15 trip north. We'd take off early in the morning so that we could start early. I'll send an email out to gauge interest.

Here are the latest batch of PPGA rankings (remember, we don't count you non-competing markers here, except for the greenie money you steal from us):
PPGA Order of Merit
1. Broc (83.5, 2)
2. FedEx Bob (91, 2)
3. Crim (91.5, 4)
4. Ervin (92.3, 3)
5. Duerr (93, 1)
6. Schuckman (94,1)
7. DOB (95.5, 4)
8. Weast (103, 1)
9. Noodle (105, 3)
10. The Linkster (115.3)
11. Pryor (119,1)

Birdie leaders
1. FedEx Bob 2
1. Crim 2
3. The Linkster 1
3. Broc 1

Par leaders
1. DOB 16
2. Hampsmire 15
3. Crim 13
4. Ervin 10
4. FedEx Bob 7
6. Duerr 6
7. Schuckman 4
7. Noodle 4
9. Weast 2
9. The Linkster 2
11. Pryor 1

Gough leaders (making a 12 on a hole)
None

Greenie money leaders (money won, No. of greenies won)
1. Crim ($31, 4)
2. RHart ($18, 2)
3. DOB ($15, 2)
4. FedEx Bob ($14, 2)
4. Broc ($14, 2)
6. Ervin ($9, 1)
6. The Linkster ($9, 1)
8. Maas ($7, 1)
8. Pryor ($7, 1)

Championships (where won)
1. Broc (2, Westview, Hamilton)
2. FedEx Bob (1, Cedar Crest)
2. Ervin (Monroe City)

Hard-core titles (where won)
1. Ervin (1, Westview)
1. Linkster (1, Cedar Crest)
1. Pryor (1, Hamilton)
1. Noodle (1, Monroe City)

Hey, Heagy: We hate Deer Run

The Piss Poor Golfers Association gathered Sunday, June 4 for the Hey, Heagy Memorial.

Once again, we saw some deer on the way to the course. Sadly, no sight of our former favorite ad salesman from what is now Insight Cable. Damn.

Unlike last year when the Heagy was a victim of weather, we were able to get this year's event in despite being rained on twice on the way up. Many in the field of seven had wished the rain would have kept coming. Plainly put, we all stunk.

The winner of the festivities was Broc, who had an 83. As a wedding present to the producer of the Quincy area's best morning radio show - The WGEM SportsCenter Presented by Hardee's, which can be heard from 7 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday on WGEM AM 1440 - we're going to suspend him for a tournament. He's getting too good again. Only a meltdown on the back nine, which was common for most of the field, kept him from breaking 80. All of the other scores pretty much blew.

For the record, here they are:
Broc 83
Crim 94
Noodle 99
DOB 103
Linkster 117
Pryor 119

The only real race was for the hardcore title. After a sizzling start to his PPGA career at the Crim Challenge, the Linkster had a foil in PPGA rookie Craig Pryor. The Linkster was the only PPGAer to leave the course happy as he failed to claim his second straight hardcore title. Pryor edged him by two shots -119 to 117. Somehow, we need to get Hausdorf out from saving the city of Canton and have a three-way dance for PPGA supremecy. The public - and the PPGA faithful - demand it.

The only non-competing marker in the field was Maas, who carded an 80, but stunk on the back nine like the rest of us.

(Nearly forgot that we played the PPGA odds game on the course, too. The second group of DOB, Crim and Broc, while waiting for the hackers in front of us after they teed off on No. 1, mulled some odds. The Commish set the Linkster's over under at 120 - Broc took the over - and the group's combined score at over/under 400. Broc took the under there and was wrong again as Maas, Noodle, the Linkster and Pryor combined for a 415.)

Greenies went to Crim, Broc, Maas and Pryor, who had the shot of the day on No. 18. With a huge gallery around the green the par-3 18th (Ok, it was just three people), Pryor rolled his shot within 10 feet of the cup. He missed the birdie chance, but made a par to close it.

Shot of the day honors go to Crim for chipping in for birdie on No. 15. Slappy of the Week honors could go to Duerr for not showing up, but we'll be nice to him because he did have a family committment that he had told the commish about. Instead, we'll go to Broc for whipping his club into his cart after a terrible tee shot on No. 18. Had EE been there, he would have been proud.

This may be the last ever PPGA trip to Deer Run, too. The horseshoe hole, the par-5 13th may be the dumbest hole ever made. What other par-5 do you have to hit iron off of in order to keep it in play. While there are some nice holes there, this one stinks. The field averaged am 8.8 on the hole. Pryor had an 11 and the Linkster a 9. The DOB/Crim/Broc combo went 7s across the board.

We'll next gather on June 25 at Mosswood Meadows Golf Course in beautiful Monroe City, Mo., for the annual Twin Peaks Classic. Hopefully, we can get a good crowd there.

Here are the latest batch of PPGA rankings (remember, we don't count you non-competing markers here, except for the greenie money you steal from us):

PPGA Order of Merit
1. Broc (83.5, 2)
2. Crim (90.3, 3)
3. FedEx Bob (91, 2)
4. Schuckman (94, 1)
5. Ervin (95, 2)
6. DOB (96.7, 3)
7. Noodle (102, 2)
8. Weast (103, 1)
9. Pryor (119, 1)
10. The Linkster (120, 2)

Birdie leaders
1. FedEx Bob 2
1. Crim 2
3. Broc 1

Par leaders
1. Hampsmire 15
2. Crim 13
3. DOB 9
4. FedEx Bob 7
5. Ervin 5
6. Schuckman 4
7. Noodle 2
7. Weast 2
9. Linkster 1
9. Pryor 1

Gough leaders (making a 12 on a hole)
None

Greenie money leaders (money won, No. of greenies won)
1. Crim ($31, 4)
2. DOB ($15, 2)
3. FedEx Bob ($14, 2)
3. Broc ($14, 2)
5. Maas ($7, 1)
5. Pryor ($7, 1)

Championships (where won)
1. Broc (2, Westview, Hamilton)
2. FedEx Bob (1, Cedar Crest)

Hard-core titles (where won)
1. Ervin (1, Westview)
1. Linkster (1, Cedar Crest)
1. Pryor (1, Hamilton)